a roundabout way of saying it...

So the obligatory topic for thanksgiving (and its surrounding days) seems to be one of giving thanks... a no brainer, right? so, as you would have guessed if you know me even just a little bit, I will not be posting about what I am thankful for; at least not directly. Actually, I'm not sure that I have much of importance to convey through this medium today, although it always seems that way at first and then veers toward some overarching life lesson that lurks in the shadows, waiting to attack.
I've been writing more lately. I guess I’ve felt inspired. Usually I can't even say what I want to say during everyday speech, let alone have words left over that actually help me get out what is buried deep down. I also have this huge desire for company lately. I can't seem to stand being alone for any amount of time... it drives me crazy! I'll be alone for a whole day and it's like a dark fog comes over me and I struggle and struggle to get out. Michael really helps with this. We've been spending a lot of quality time together and for some reason just his presence makes me feel so much better. He's my lighthouse.
I've always had a really hard time letting people in to that part of me that I hold so close and protect so fiercely. I was reminded the other day of a certain unnamed relationship that I struggled with for a very long time. It took months but I finally let him in and when he left, albeit my own fault, it tore me to pieces. During that period of pain and hurting I was reassured over and over again that I would find someone else - someone better, someone more understanding and more patient (which is something that I have found that I really need), and someone who would love me for who I am without a second thought. For the longest time I doubted and struggled, but no more. I have found my safe harbor, my rest and my comfort, the one who I share all of myself with, and the one that I feel completely protected by. The lessons I learned from that past relationship stick with me but, for once, the pain is gone. I have hope and I feel trust and I love deeper than I knew I could. I am happy. As silly and trivial as that may sound right now, I am happy. And, subsequently, very very thankful for this new page in my life.